Short Stories
The most deepest part of one's soul harbors doors that lead to many lessons and paths for the mind and spirit to follow and use. We as part of humanity, people, many have no clue as to what lay within them, never get to grow and become stronger spiritualy. The ones that have a direct path to their beliefs and faith use the doors through meditation and prayer to connect to the Higher Power's strength for them and anyone who know the paths within are filled with His ways of living life, such as they do when given the blessings. Some take the darkened roads and have no desire to make good choices. They have no way to go but to the depths of evil and find nothing but denial, pain from feeling heavily burdened with unhappiness and terrible dreams. They are lost and will be held hostage by evil's hold onto their soul.
Where Evil Lay Within
How does one find the courage to keep the darkness at bay, away, I say, away from my beating heart. It is not the manner of the degree what evil can do but the insatiable touch it holds what seems like an eternity and fortitude we who are cursed with a darkened moving my strength so the world outside is demented and cruel, devastation becomes the norm of things, internally that is. I am hungover again, sitting on the edge of the bed, my mind is meandering through the hours before just what I did. I have no clue as to how I got here but the darkness is the culprit unto which is partly responsible, for my disillusioned mental state, it is not just alcohol. I convince myself of that as I slowly get up and move toward the bathroom. Thee, I may eliminate last night’s moments of drunkenness where it belongs, into that white porcelain and thus, I start anew.
My head is still pounding, that darkened cloud of devastation set upon my soul is ever so demanding. I must do something I really do not want to do. See my ex-wife, and my kid who hates me. They both do not get it; I am possessed by this evilness and have been for an exceptionally long time. I say I will kill myself just to show evil, there you bastard, I won. The walk to the bus station is non-eventful, the sun is out but it burns my eyes if not wear these dark glasses. I barely make it to the station, I am hungover, have no strength to walk such as I do for only one mile. Oh, darkness of my soul, does not your ways have to be so fucking hard on my body as well? In time, I will find a way to make you beg for mercy before I cut your fucking head off, even if do it in the dream state I am in all the time.
There is hardly anybody on the bus, which makes it better for me, not so much background noise. Sometimes the people are purposely raving as loud as they can, so it seems anyway. More aspirin, warm water which I hate, and time is not on my side, ever. The bus comes to my stop. There are trees and foliage I should notice for the comfort that may bring because of the beauty presiding over one’s senses. I really do not give a shit right now, as evil singing that phrase in my head. Much too often. The door is only a few feet from me, and I am having a tough time going up to it and knocking, I always do. This makes my stomach even worse than it already is. I knock, wait, and knock again. The door swings open and she, my ex, slams the door back closed. Even knowing I was coming she has no shame, no empathy, but I cannot blame her. And evil weighs heavy upon my shoulders, bringing with it the darkness for which I am constantly living with.
I have been sitting on the steps for a little over an hour, trying to get enough courage to knock again. Then, there was a slow creaking sound from the door, it usually did that if opened slowly. Ronny was standing just inside the house and almost covered by the door itself. I looked at him and could not believe how much he had grown. My son, he was just two it seems. I said quietly, “Hello Ronny.”
“Hi, are you drunk?”
I said a little louder, “No I am not drunk.”
“Then why did mom slam the door on you?”
“Son, I have no idea.”
I asked nicely, “Can I come in and talk to you? Catch up on what is going on in your life?”
He waited a long time before answering, “Okay, come in and be quiet. We can go up to my room.”
“Thanks kid.”
We both were tip toeing as we were going up the stairs. Each creak took my breath away. His room had changed, you could see he was growing and in with the times. I had forgotten his craving for reading, he had journals everywhere, he was into writing as well.
“I will be right back, don’t touch anything and be quiet!”
Okay, he is the man of the house now. I was proud of his demanding attitude, which made him so much more an adult. But there was something a little odd about him, his mannerisms were different. Well, I have not seen him for quite some time. I need three more aspirins. It is going to be a miracle to get through this and back outside without a big argument with Carol. I was being a little nosy though, picked up one of his journals. I wanted to see his writing style if I had time. I looked at the door and stood for a second to hear anything going on outside. Nothing, so I opened his journal a few months ago. He was explaining the lousy way he and his friend were being treated at school dances. Nothing to out of the ordinary, happens to a lot of kids these days. Then, I hit pay dirt and was absolutely floored. Ronny explained how much he and Robert were in love, wanted to move to the next step of the relationship. I could not belief it, he was gay.
I put the journal back just as I found it. Went over to the window and looked out down the street. Wondering If I could have known sooner in his life, watched him grow up and see the difference in his mannerism. Not that it bothered me, I am okay with it, but how do I get him to tell me so I can explain how I feel about him being gay. Ronny slowly came from the hall and sat down on the bed.
“Mom is taking a nap; she does this often. Something she picked up from one of the housewife’s gurus who thinks she is the next best thing to living a well lived life. Mom thinks her beliefs are helping her cope with all that has been going on with you leaving.”
“Ronny, we got a divorce, I did not just leave, I was kicked out of the house. And yes, it was my fault it ended up the way it did. You see son, I do not know if you are going to understand what I am about to tell you.”
Ronny looked a little scared, or he felt he was going to be told something he was not ready to divulge.
“I have been in the dumps since the divorce. My mentality is being held hostage by the darkness that is controlled by evil. I drink too much, have horrible hangovers, before I came here, I was feeling terrible, since talking with you I have felt better.”
“Why don’t you get help?” Ronny said with hesitation.
“Because I am afraid. Afraid of what this darkened cloud will do to my soul if try to remove it. I know it sounds odd to you, but it is the basis for my existence as it is now. Maybe if you help, I can get the courage to fight it.” I said with a quiver in my voice.
Ronny sat there for a while; I could tell he was trying to bring the words out. He too had a heavy burden to carry, and did not know what to say for me to understand his dilemma.
“Dad?”
“Yes.”
“I am going to tell you something I have told to no one else. Please, please, try to understand where I am coming from, how I am feeling about it, do not get upset enough to wake mom.”
“Go ahead, son.”
Ronny says with some strong conviction behind his words, “I am Gay. I am who I am and like myself as I am. I have a boyfriend, and we love each other, he has come out to his parents, and they were understanding, accepted the fact of him being gay. Obviously, they know I am too, but I never mentioned the fact to them. I want to come out to mom and everybody but like you it is a challenging thing to get the courage.”
I took some time to answer that statement he made too. I know it took guts to do that, and he has the courage just does not know how to get it out of his inner self. I listen to myself, and it is odd that both of us have the same problem but for several reasons.
“Ronny, I am going to make a long, drawn-out comment. I do not care that you are gay. You were born that way, and there is nothing you or anyone can do to try and change the fact that you being gay is not a choice. God made you who you are, and knowing that you like yourself as you are, is a wonderful thing. I love you Ronny, and nothing will ever take that from me. You, unlike me, have courage right at your deepest part of the spirit. You always had it and now, you reach deep inside and tell the world, I am Ronny Cornell Simpson, and I am gay and loving it! That fact will remove the burden you carry like me, but for different reasons. Saying all this to you is making me stronger and now I know what I need to do to fight the battle I carry around in myself.”
Ronny looked like he was on top of the world, he ran to me and hugged me as if no tomorrow, sheesh he was strong. We had tears in our eyes, never said anything about crying but we knew how glad he was to find what he needed to move on in life. I on the other hand felt bad that I could not be as strong as Robby. I was the adult here and should have the courage to kill the evilness attached to my soul.
“Dad, are you going to go and get help?”
I looked at him and feeling terrible I do not have the courage he does, lied.
“Yes, son, I will go and find the help needed to rid this evil, dark cloud, hanging onto my soul.”
I sounded odd to myself talking in that manner. He does not understand my own knowledge of how the spirit is held hostage if not strong and uses the Higher Power to be in control of myself.
“Dad, are you really going to a rehab center, do you need mom to take you?”
“I will take myself, thanks, she would rather see me suffer with my demons than take me to Rehab.”
“I am going to go right now, and you can be sure I will be back to see you. I have learned a great deal about my son today, and you are full of courage, more than I at this point. You keep your head up, be strong in your convictions, and do not let anybody tell you that being gay is anything but what God made you.”
He smiled and gave me another hug. I was taken back by the hug; he was never that close to me to give that much attention. His mother can be at fault for that. I went to the front door, quietly went out and heard inside,
“You what, how could you not wake me with him in the house!”
I just turned and went to the bus stop. Sat a while until the bus came and reflected on everything I went through with my son. I had no idea who he was until a few hours ago. And now I need a drink. The demon was hounding me and telling me to fill his gut full of drink. The night was coming, and I had put off the bar for a few hours. It is becoming harder each hour that goes by. If I wait, they will be closed soon, and I can battle tomorrow whether I will go to Rehab or drink myself into a delirious pitiful human being. I want out of evil’s grasp on me. The time has come, and it needs to end. The thought brought chills to my thought process, the Rehab scared me to death as well as the thought of continued drinking with evil controlling my mental life and soul. I waited some more, and did not give much thought as to what would happen tomorrow. All I knew was going to be a change and how I was going to live amongst the normal was the only mental capabilities I could muster up.
The time for sleep was slowly approaching, I am so damned tired, and I need to sleep without drinking to oblivion taking me there. I slept. It was a restless night, tossing sand turning, bad dreams would wake me on occasion, but I would fall back to sleep. Till awakened again by my strife with evil and fighting his tormented ways. I woke up early and sat on the edge of the bed trying to make my head from hurting. I do not know why the headache is. I guess the next thing to do is take something to make it stop. I got dressed and ate a small bowl of cereal. I looked out the kitchen window for a long time, noticed the green trees, the grounds in the apartment, and knew it was time to go to Rehab. It was on the way to Robby’s house, so I knew where it was. The bus let me out about a block away. It was the longest walk I made, seemed to go on forever, and the end game was me walking through the main door with the expectations of starting anew in life.
I stopped and sat on the steps leading up to the door. I was there for about a half hour when the front door opened, and a pastor came out and sat next to me.
“Seems you are having a tough time making the final decision to walk through the door and change your life.”
“Yes, Father, my demons are dead set against me not drinking myself to oblivion every night.”
“You know the strength of God will give you what is needed to literally remove those demons from your soul’s inner habitual drinking ways.”
“I would like to believe that, but my praying goes no where, and the self-denial I am a drunk, just makes it worse internally to accept any kind of belief God will help me.”
“He has been with you since you were born, keeping you from harms way as drinking, and bringing you here, at this moment, to being righteously knowing the Devine of the Lord has always been with you. Come my son, come with me, and begin a new life where the end is never thought about again.”
“I am scared it will not work, and those demons are just going to be hiding till get out of Rehab. Driving me back to the bar, and the tormented ways drinking does to one’s soul.”
We sat for a few minutes more and the pastor asked,
“Are you feeling anything right now except fear?”
“No, not really, I am just a little scared of what will happen as enter through those doors.”
“Well,” the pastor began to say.
“The way to one’s mental state is not what you think, those doors are your salvation, a clear entrance to a journey where the design is fulfilling and feelings of betterment toward yourself.”
I turned and looked at him, the pastor was not incredibly old which I thought was odd. He should be an old man, knowing God’s ways for many years, having the knowledge and wisdom one gets in his position from years of dealing with people being saved.
I asked,
“Why are you here, I mean shouldn’t you be at a church doing sermons?”
“I am here because my calling is too bring people such as yourself, through those doors and see what God can do for you and His strength is always there when needed, if you feel like drinking, not only your sponsor will help but praying will be the norm of things as go from day to day, one step at a time.”
“Okay Father, open the door, quickly before I chicken out and go to the bar. I need a drink, and the demons are rampant with desire for drink.”
He got up, took my hand, and opened the door, and there at that moment in time, I was not lost or felt deepened by fear, all I felt inside was relief. A real life feeling of hope, and that was the beginning of never having the demons with me again. They were cast out by God and never to pass my spirit again, never to hold my soul with their grasp of demented ways to make living life so hard. I in an instant of time had hope. It was there all along I had no way to bring it to my inner self so the door to living life was giving of myself and the blessing it provided was the beginning of a new look through the clouds of darkness, seeing the light of life for the first time in a very long time.
A Changed Moment
I am walking a path down into the forest. The day is nearly perfect, the air a little brisk but feels so good on my face. I can hear the river ahead; it is a little ruff in the area I am close to too. I know what I am heading to. My spot, a wonderment of my sight which will behold something that is a miracle, to me it is. I am coming into a slight clearing, not excessively big, the surroundings are beautiful. The trees are whispering their song, the foliage is all colors of the rainbow. I slowly walk to my rock, perfect for sitting on. I hope what I came to see is going to happen. It has only been once before, and I was so awe struck that all I could do is sit and look at an image that I still have a tough time believing.
It is silent now, no birds singing, the rustling of bushes is even a little quieter. I know what is about to happen, she is coming. The air is still a little brisk, but the sense of it brushing my face is not as I felt on the way up here. The time is near, and then it happens.
She slowly manifests out of nothing, hovering a little, her pure white gown is moving listlessly and is almost too bright to look upon. The movement to me is ever so slight, she is only a few feet away and I am stunned as usual. She is looking directly at me, a little smile, we do not communicate with words. Everything is in mind; her soft voice is so crisp and wonderful to listen to. She heard my prayers to see her one more time. Was thrilled to find this wonderful area. Isn’t mother nature a wonderment in her own rights? I said she is and what I was looking at in front of me is also beautiful. Oh, she goes on about how nice that is. She explained that being here was something she looked forward to because it was so wonderful looking at all the colors and surrounding green trees.
I asked why she picked me to allow this miracle to happen. She explained my pain when lost your daughter, and wife, at the same time. The moment in my realm was so disturbing, you seemed to give up. I knew what needed to be done. Your wife and child are well within your understanding of what heaven is called by mortals who have belief and faith in the Lord’s plain or a place far reaching the soul’s outer comprehension of His realm. I am at a different level of life force. And when someone such as yourself loses all perspective of wanting to move on in life, the darkness moves in to make your faith and belief become nothing. No feelings, deep depression, all goodness is lost amongst the darkness, you were well into a place of no return and might move out of living altogether yourself.
I sat and thought of how bad I felt. I lost all perspective of what living was about. She was right, the nights came without wanting to see the next day. I missed them so much, it hurt. No sleep, drinking, not seeing anybody for months. I slowly began to just barely exist. That is when I found this path one day, I am sure she made it happen, she came out of nowhere and explained to me about the darkness and how it took my thought process and changed my life force for wanting to live. The faith and belief I had was gone. But she began to make me understand where my wife and child were. How in their realm of spiritual entity was still able to see how my life force was in trouble. We came together and I used their faith and belief to fill your heart again with love and knowing they are all right and did not have to stop being in the darkness. I was a different person when came back home that day. I got all my bottles of alcohol and threw them out. I got the pictures of his wife and child and started to believe in life again. Even when they are not here with him, they will be in his heart and still madly in love with them. My world began to change, everything was different. I got out, walked, and went to see friends, got a wonderful job speaking to others who were lost such as I.
I read the bible, pray more, have not gone to a church yet. And love life throughout my spirit, that life force which is in all of us. We just need to learn to tap into that inward touch upon the heart with God’s help and the belief of having our lost loved ones, near and dear, to our spiritual entity of this plain of life, our world as it is to us. We control the decisions and bring within us the living without that dark mentality which will destroy the path of what our destiny is put here for us to create and follow. She was a miracle and made my living with reality I understood completely. There was no wrong perspective, only the love of life and having faith in the Lord again. He was always there, and I only needed to seek His life force, His love for me, to begin the life I felt inward my spirit.
She slowly backed away, still hovering, my angel never had to say anything as she became a whisp of fresh air on my face. I felt so wonderful and alive. This was going to be the last of our time together, which was fine, I understood what I needed to do and will conduct my mission for giving people a place in the heart for loving life again. I began my walk home, leaving this meadow of wonderment for the last time. Who knows, someone may happen upon it such as I and find their own miracle within the breeze of the forest, brisk as it is, it still feels wonderful.
My Journey and the Angel
Ah, the love of nature and her surreal imaging brought forth my thoughts and desires to meander my mind’s wayward journey through the valley of wonderment. My spirit is lifted from the beauty and sights for my soul to be gifted with blessings from the Great Spirit. As walk through the valley and touch the plants and flowers, at one point bend down to scrape some dirt into my hand. Slowly I let it sift through my fingers. What a wonderment nature has control over, everything from ground to sky is little messages from her way of touching my spiritual destiny. The path is so colorful and even though the path is long, I will take inward the sights seen for my memories.
The angel was slowly coming toward me, her gown was pure white and flowed with the wind nature made sure was happening. They spoke in ways that I would never understand, but can be seen happening with the naked eye, the path was still in the valley. And I can see the angel looking at me, smiling, moving about as if in a slow dance. I want to say something, fear she might not like my thoughts interrupting this moment in time. The angel moves around me. She is so graceful, and beautiful beyond comprehension. The temperature never changes, the wind is always comfortable, and the time of day seems to stay at a standstill.
I start to follow the path out into the forest where even more of nature’s wonderment is freely visible from my standpoint. I cannot see the angel, but know she is coming, I slowly turn around and she glides just above the ground towards me, gown flowing, and smiling. The spiritual lessons I am trying to gain for growth, are being felt inward, I am getting knowledge from her. It is shown to me by mentally transporting the information I so desire. She is giving me the path to follow and soon the journey’s answer will be shown for my purpose in spiritual enlightenment. The angel moves in my direction and takes my hand, her hand is so soft and comforting, and she whispers that everything I need for the faith to be real will be shown to me as time moves on. Never give up on the truth presented to you, for He is always with you and His strength will carry you through any battles along the path you are going to face. She backed away, elegantly, and slowly dissipated into thin air. I was sad to see her go. Although I have a great feeling inside, my mind is filled with so many ways to conquer the battles set before me. Along my trek, whatever the journey may bring, I feel the angel will be near…
White Eagle's Gorge
Running through the forest will not be a problem. The path is treacherous and up and down the mountain. Some spots are only a foot wide, but this must be done to get to the gorge. White Eagle was prepared though for the worst. He has run in the forest for many years, been on the same path he will trek for the passage of the gorge. His father, the Chief, has shown him what he must do to be considered a warrior, part of his path when it is time to be Chief. This run today is partly on the trail he will be running tomorrow. The rocks and pebbles are hurting his feet and throwing him out of balance. He turned the path’s corner and immediately fell, rolling down the small incline. White Eagle lay for some time. He needed to feel his body’s condition, checking for broken bones, or twisted something. White Eagle got up and for a quick thought decided to head back home but kept running the trail till stopping at the spot he originally decided to stop and turn back.
When got back home White Eagle could see some scratches and scrapes. His mother put some sab on them and shook her head. She knew what was going to happen and she could do nothing to make it stop. Her role as a Native American mother of the tribe was to encourage and support the decision to run the path to the gorge. White Eagle knew that and discussed with his mother the path and what would take to run such a dangerous path to the gorge. Nothing else was said about him running. The day was here.
White Eagle began the path very early in the morning. He was walking it at first then broke into a run. Parts of the beginning, where it splits off the trail and becomes its pathway, rocks, and pebbles are difficult, hurting his feet. Past that part of the trail, it begins to climb a little in altitude, making it difficult to breathe for White Eagle. He has conditioned himself to not let it bother him. He is running much faster now but soon will have to slow down because of the foot-wide path before him. This will slow the pace but not stop him from running toward the gorge. The next turn is coming up and must be done right or he could slip and fall off the path. White Eagle quickly made the turn and followed the path’s direction without incident. Soon the gorge would be near. He can hear the water rushing across the rocks and down the waterfall.
The trail now was getting higher, more inclined with the path, White Eagle had to be sure of his footing, the path was narrow and rocky, and nothing but heavy bushes were lining the path. Each step made a little puff of dirt, a small cloud of dust. White Eagle was getting tired. He picked up the pace, made the next two turns of the path, and finally heard the water rushing through the gorge. Nearer the path’s end, just before the jump was to be made, was a small hump, a little berm that could mess everything up if not planted with the foot at the point of jumping. White Eagle was running quicker now, the breeze on his face was a little damp, which meant it was time to concentrate on what needed to be done, jump the gorge. Another turn and it was time. White Eagle started running as fast as he could, the turn was approached by White Eagle, the noise was deafening, and he could not stop. As White Eagle came to the spot to jump, he planted his foot right at the edge of the berm. He could feel himself rise into the air, but, his other foot tipped the top of the berm, he was making a shorter ending to the jump. White Eagle did not let that thought bother him. He positioned himself in the air and felt as if flying like an Eagle. The other side of the path, where it begins, was coming up fast and short. White Eagle knew this was going to happen and kept his mind focused on the path only and the landing. White Eagle came up short, fell about ten feet along the side of the gorge, and grabbed a small tree to stop. He was bleeding, his head hurt and looked down along the wall to the gorge below. Then back up to the top.
He kept thinking of the climb up, it took nearly four hours to make the climb and roll onto the path’s beginning from the other side of the gorge. It was about noon now, he needed to get back home. He wanted to tell his father about the jump. What he didn’t know was his father watching him jump the gorge and fall short of the edge. From a different place higher up on the mountain. He was proud of White Eagle and told him when he talked to him at home. White Eagle was ecstatic, and the tribe was going their praise also. Soon, he was running back down the path and turning around where the path ended. White Eagle felt good and glad he jumped the gorge. Now, he was a true warrior, his people would look upon him differently. He thought of how his being Chief one day would impact the tribe. He could see himself and become stronger in spirit so his knowledge and wisdom will show through them, helping and giving direction when needed. Almost a Shaman in a way but he was not that special, he would make improvements with what he knew though. White Eagle talked to his father many times about what happens when White Eagle becomes Chief.
His father would look at White Eagle and smile. He knew how special White Eagle was and would be a great Chief. White Eagle was running the path today. Following the way it made its way through the forest, he became one in thought. Allowing the Great Spirit to show his truth, White Eagle was then at the edge of the gorge, he looked all over the valley and gave praise for the Great Spirit to make him strong and full of wisdom. He stood there for a very long time, listening to the water rush through the gorge and over the waterfall. The one he jumped over…
My Angel of the Dreams
The image of my thoughts those wondrous meaningless impressions are beyond the comprehension of being a reality or not. The angel, dressed in a white gown flowing like a slight breeze is moving about and hovering above the ground, which is mesmerizing, to say the least. Nothing is ever said as I sit with her, we seem to be connected yet have no indication there will be a conversation at some point. Every time though, in the dream, she is so beautiful. The sight is nearly impossible to describe. The words coming to me do not do it justice as to her being who she is, an angel, there for my dream. I want to ask why in my mind, thinking it would be the way to talk to her. But the dream does not want me to follow through with that thought.
This time though, she turned and smiled, first for any of my dreams of her and I together. Something in that smile spoke a million words, she liked what she was doing, and I guess wanted me to know it. This image of her tonight was not her usual white gown, she wore very loose pants and a blouse-type covering. I mentioned in thought how wonderful she looked. Nothing happened. The angel moved about and slowly functioned as if dancing. She was there with me but not in a sense of just for me. I thought she was maybe in many dreams at once. Possibly, but this image was just remarkable in my mind’s eye. And she knew it. I sat in the same place in each of the dreams. I was not going to make a different spot to sit thinking maybe it would disrupt the dream.
As time went on, years to be exact, my time with the angel never grew old or faded in the desire to be with her. I never found out why she was there. We never conversed, but she did smile often. I loved her and my dreams with her, I often gave thanks in prayer for her being with me. My days and nights were nothing to speak of, normal ways of life, except when dreaming of her. Those dreams of my angel were everything to me in thought. I often gave thought to the dream about her spending precious moments with me and thanking her for it. My angel of the dreams…
Path of an Angel
The path ahead seems daunting, dark, enormous amounts of foulage. I wait and think of what this means. Do I continue or turn back and find another way? This has been a long journey to this point. Many a time I have come across the difficult ways of lessons so brought to me by my spiritual dynamics and inner thought process. This path does not seem like something I want to tackle, yet I need to reach it and get some strength. spiritual strength is the key. I sit and pray, ask for His strength to pass the path’s outward looking obstacle, whether difficult or leisurely walk through to the other side. It is time, so I start the entrance sort of speaking, it is dark, why? I look above and find there are many trees, plus the growth almost covering the path itself.
Okay, it is becoming increasingly darker and more difficult to se the path. I have no light. Now I am getting a little nervous. But something keeps me looking for some hopeful thought, and something is ahead, some kind of light and making the path easy to see. I now step out of the darkness and into a small, beautiful valley. And the light is coming from the center. I start to move in that direction, not knowing what it is. But as I get closer to where the light is, only one vision comes to mind. It is an angel, hovering and beautiful. White gown and flowing in the breeze, the light would be thinking it should be blinding yet it just glows. I see her perfectly. I am in awe and standing not more than a few feet away.
She is looking at me and smiling, I hear her inside my head, she is talking to me through in a way that almost seems faint, where I can barely hear her thought.
She is asking, “My name.”
I told her in thought.
She seems to ponder that.
I ask, “Why are here.”
She says, “Because you asked for some strength, and He is giving me the power to help you make this trek.”
I think for a minute, then ask, “My prayer was never to think I would have an actual Angel be my strength and wonder why I deserve this moment with you.”
Then she raises her hands an d says, “It is not why you deserve me being here, but the fact that I was sent just for you, it is from the love and your often prayers which He knows why your making this trek, you know it something deep within our spirit”.
I am now feeling guilty for asking a dumb question. I know why I chose this path because it is something I wanted when I was young. On the path on which I was chased and beaten by my father, I could never get past his anger and drunkenness. He would beat my mother, and it was where I finally took control and killed him. The path was always daunting and dark. When trying to start the beginning and find my way through to the end. I needed strength and tried often but it was too dark and scary.
I ask, “Are you with me always in spirit?”
She says, “He is with you always and His strength will always be there for you and His Angels for support sort of speaking, which is why I was asked to be with you.”
I just stand and look at her.
“You know the inner thinking has been bothering you, whether you are worthy enough to have His strength. Do not be fooled by the doubt and thoughtlessness of the darkness within your spirit. It is always trying to make your thoughts negative. He understands your doubt and will always be there for you to have the strength as you have now. You made it this far; the path will only be easier, and the ending will be glorious.
I am tearing up. It just does not seem possible that I deserve this special moment. But I know He will always be there for me when life becomes hard, and the paths are filled with negative ways.
“You can now walk this path knowing you will find the end and be content knowing you are not alone.”
I stand and ponder the thought. I know of His being with me, and understand this moment is a blessing. But if this is the last time, I see her, it is going to be tough to go on through life knowing I cannot tell anyone. She seems to know what I am thinking. I will always remember you and know of my being loved and always have Him here in my spirit.
“Are you going now?”
“Yes, I have come and given you what asked for. I will always be near but cannot come back, He will always be with you inside your spirit, and you must know this to be true.”
“I do and thank you my Angel.”
She begins to move away and fade into the light. I am now on my path and will finish this trek till the end. I fear nothing. As time passes, I go about living as well as possible and often think of my blessing. I am now seeing someone and loving the time with her. Too bad I cannot tell her about my experience with an actual Angel. But we are together and loving as time passes, we have gone for walks on my path and without incidents plus the darkness does not seem to exist anymore. I pray often for inner strength and wish love to my Angel; I know she can hear my thoughts. And life just moves along…
With Inward Path
We wonder off and on what the trek we take through life has for us to follow. Although choices are to be had, some paths will be missed and may have been important to your getting the knowledge along with strength of spirit. The good part is that as we move along our avenues of life, there inward some of those avenues house our knowledge and strength needed at a much later time. It all becomes relative amongst the moments of our distance and what that entails as far as time is concerned. It may be moving slowly in the mindset or incredibly fast from one day to the next. But the events happening across the time frame have meaning and will eventually become part of your mentality. It never leaves your sense of reality or the living sense we gain from the day's way of life. It comes on very easily but there may be a heaviness toward how your spirit challenges the dark ways as they come.
One may use a lot of strength for the demise it is put through. Then again, the dark comes and goes without a challenge. Out there, way out there, something comes this way, it is made of truth and harbors no lies, as it follows the mindless paths set before it, the outcome is always the same. Moving darkened and mindless ways out to the spirits that hold onto that way of life. The sense of life and the avenues that hold the paths for learning are the way of life, and the spirit takes that to heart so the soul can move freely from one entity to another, that essence of life. and then the journey has a defined route, going beyond the ways of the dark and into the bright light of life.
He has the key; all one needs is to ask...
Path and Balance
Have you not ever been grateful? The path was a little rough, sometimes it rose a few feet so it was harder to trek. The end game though was to be at the top of this majestic mountain, overlooking the valleys below and outward. My path is somewhat the same, there are ups and downs, and sometimes it is extremely difficult to maintain a balance between spirit and the Higher Power. The air is a little thinner, I have gone very high and it has been difficult at times, but will not stop the journey. There is too much to be had spiritually. Now and then stop and bow my head and listen, taking in the sounds only found here at this moment, at this place also within the moment, together making living a balance.
It is colder and a light wind is blowing making the temperature drop a few degrees, but will not stop and follow this path before me to the point where I have visioned it to be through dreams. The rocks are bigger and the path is fading away becoming a hit-and-miss walk to the top of the mountain. I am not worried, I know where I am going, and timely as it may seem, the wonderment between spirit and the Higher Power’s touch set upon the soul at the moment when reached the top, well, I will be very grateful. Oh, a little sun, warmth, peaked its way through some clouds. They are surrounding my path, the clouds, still, I know where the spot is, that piece of time standing still just for me.
For some reason, it seems quieter than before. I am close, there is no path to follow, around the rocks and through a small field of foliage, and it is time. The belief in what I am looking at is nearly overtaking my senses, tears have begun, the air fresh and so quiet even with the wind. But looking out there, the valleys below and the wonderment of life is not as seemed, sure, the moments have been hard. Yet, here I am having the view piercing my soul with unmistakenly truth to His being alive and maintaining this, all this land and water, from flower to flower, the growth for miles and miles. He was the catalyst for it to happen AND, here I am gazing at it all just so the thought of the day is to be grateful.
I bow my head, on my knees, and thank God for this time and place. I have so much to be thankful for and living in whatever the mere existence of life you may call it, there is nothing to compare to what He is giving as a gift, of sorts, other than being alive, balanced, and finding the path I have so searched for many years.
And as time moves on, age sets in, the memories will never be forgotten. He made sure of that. The path? I still go there and find my balance with God and Nature. That is my gift, I so hope you find your path and balance as well…
Beyond Time
Oh, the trek was a long one. Many years, and many more miles. I remember being so young when I started the path and now I feel well at this age, everything around me has changed so much. It’s the spirit that maintains the mental health I need, that deep-felt belief and faith that is the catalyst for defying the wrongs and making the right choices to get to this level of consciousness. I am way out of the city, the only place of my calling, where the magic happens from many angelic thoughts and spiritual confinement to my senses. There is no way out of the darkened way found inward from those paths that I had to walk among evil’s so-called gifts.
Years had passed before making the crucial defying moment of removing the dark, evil, touch upon my soul. It was either him or I and the aftermath of the instant it happened was nearly less than a miracle. Every possible strength I and my universe spirits (I call them that for they come from outward the universal confides they only know to help me when needed, and that was a lot back then) had depleted, removed from the spirit’s grasp around my soul, I was nothing but flesh and barely a being. The moment it happened when evil was defeated, there was one other than me in the quietness of the surrounding area. He had it all, strength, power, an army of Angels that would make the Universe shake out of fear that the Creator could have made such an entity. I was at His feet giving thanks for His existence and giving me the strength to get through my demise. He only looked…
And then I awoke from my nap. Sitting on the edge of bed, I kept telling myself it was a dream and the realism behind it is what dreams do, bring the moments alive in your life. He was so real, so alive, I am near normal now, back to being filled with strength and leaving the heaviness behind in the past. I know though as I sit out here again, in the quiet, my spot just for me, the moment may rise and receive the truth He will be here with me, all that there is in a powerful gifted being. The trek beyond the moment evil met its demise and returned to wherever it is evil lies, my wanderings were filled with a lighted light of life. I had the gift and people knew from where it came. I was blessed…
Although the time it took to get here seems short, as time is, what if it is relevant and the distance is not what thought? Maybe it only took a mere amount of time to accomplish my trek. Yet, I have aged, much, much older than would have anticipated, so what in the sense of reality, how many years did it get to be here, now, in my realm of things? The time is of no consequence, the hours and days mean nothing, nighttime came and went, so what is the truth to my existence at this moment? And did evil go to someplace similar to mine, a contemplation peace of mind? That is a scary thought…
The space I sit in seems to be feeling a little different. The air is thicker, dusk is outstanding. coloristic, for this time of day. I feel someone is near, He has arrived and the truth of anything to do with time is gone. There is no ticking clock or an abundance of hours ahead or behind me. It is what it is. A moment, set aside for me, and His saying nothing is quite okay with me. I still give thanks from within thought, He gives a nod, I should have known His way is nothing like us beings here on this small planet, who knows what lies out there in the universal of things? What is odd is that He doesn’t look bored or in a rush, it's as if He is learning something and wants to get as much out of it as possible. I am of no consequence to the moment that is happening within His time frame. And it seems like time has stopped, there is no feeling of going from day to night and back again, or having to rush this instance of time, His time, just letting it go the way it wants. And it is hours…
He speaks in thought how well I have come through the moment evil was defeated. I nearly jumped straight up and stood before Him.
I thought, “I am thankful for your believing in me, and giving what was needed for a task so difficult, I would have never believed I could manage such a feat.”
He nods again and gives a smirky smile of gratification for my part in the conversation. The physical ambiance of His being is somewhat out of context with His powerful arms and body itself. You would think someone in this complexity of life the image would be enormous, but the power and sense of His mental strength is, I think for my sake, toned down a bit. Now I get the feeling He is moving onward to wherever He needs to be or where something needs His power and strength. I lay back down, close my eyes, and remove the moments when time has stopped…
I slept for two days. Had no idea what time or day it was, didn’t care, my life had changed. Even my physical self had a slight girth in muscles that I never had before. The journey and the meeting of the Great Spirit did something inward and took my spirit into the far reaches of my being. Is this the feeling of winning, becoming different in mindset so the world and everything out there is known to have changed? I do not think people have a clue as to what happened within a mere small amount of time. The world was saved and evil was of no truth to the meaning of destruction, its own, beginning with the trek and ending with a journey. My mind is more complex, and has more depth to life’s ways, living with a good and bad desire to accomplish whatever He wants me to do. Have I gained a specialness surrounding my spirit? Do others feel my presence differently? Well, my sense is for the good fighting to keep evil from meandering too far within the confines of our souls. Again, does this make me special, can I see and feel things differently than others? I look older but do I feel wiser? Is the knowledge found throughout the journey’s way bring truth and found wonderment only I know exists?
I am that I am, the spiritual touch from one to another begins, and there is no end in sight for my life…
And so it begins…
The movement is slow, methodical, passing different paths. She is looking for a specific direction, an entryway she has been down before. Been so long though. Many years ago she found it, took the way it showed. The experience was far-reaching into her spirit. Never did she forget the way it made her life direction important for her. She makes a turn and stops. The tree that was there is much more grown but still shows her spot. Overgrown somewhat, she takes away as much as can. The path lay before her. Outreaching far into the forest. She knows it must be done. Her movement forward has feelings of despair. This might not be such a good idea. Maybe what she got before from this path’s lesson was to be only a one-time thing? Her entry was apprehensive, slow, it is not the same feeling as before. Why should it? It was many years ago.
She hears the birds, wind through the trees, a light brush of wind across her cheeks. It is comforting. Seems to let her know it is an okay type of feeling. Nothing is the same, yet something is making her sense the sight seen is familiar. She treks through the forest, looking at the wonderment of life, many flowers, off in the distance to the side is a field of different types of flowers. Sometimes the forest beside her is so thick, an abundance of trees, she wondered how they missed cutting them down when clearing the forest. She can feel the direction is getting a little smaller, the path not so wide, the area seen not so outstretched. She continues. Making her way into what might be her last lesson. Her life will change from this experience as it becomes evident to her spiritual beliefs. She wonders if He will be here as before, she must not think too soon, it might not happen. She stops. Looking up ahead it is seen, that spot, her rock. That is where she sat and it happened.
Slowly she makes her way toward the resting point she took before. Closer she gets and senses the surrounding area is calm, with a light breeze, not so much sound as coming through the forest before her walk down the path. The rock sets in a small clearing, some bushes line the perimeter in a circular kind of setting, just below the forest’s different trees. She did not notice this when found this spot before. She takes small steps, moving closer to the rock, nothing seems out of place for her to do so. When reaching it, she sits on the flat area, as if made for someone to sit upon. She relaxes, breathing slow, listens to what sounds are to be heard. It makes her feel less stressed. Something is happening, she does not open her eyes, can feel the breeze turn into a light wind. Hears the bushes and tree limbs move about. The feeling of not being alone flows over her. It is so comforting, her spirit is calm, a vision of a door appears.
Her movements are somewhat slow, and moving is not with walking but thinking of going forward makes it happen. She enters through the door, sees a beautiful area, it is a garden. There is a small table and chair at the far end. As she thinks to move toward it, a wonderful hue of bluish, white, light forms where she is to sit. Setting before the light it is unbelievable how intense the brilliance is but not bothering her. Something is beginning to move within the surrounding light, she can see someone, not sure if it is human though. The sight forming before her is becoming evident, it is an angel. She remembers this happening before, but not until now. She knows not to speak out loud, only through her mind.
“Hello”, she says. The sound of her speaking through her mind seems so surreal, not as if spoken normally. There is a pause, then she, as thinking it is she, speaks to her.
“I have missed you. It has been so long. I knew in time you were to return. The message given before was designed just for that. When become older your spirit would direct you. You are such a wonderment of life, your path was designed for you. Each choice you made would be yours but nudged from the spiritual sense. There is more to come, you have not reached your destiny’s end. I am giving spoken words to you so understand in your sense how heard.”
She sits in wonderment. A feeling of warmth flows over her. A long pause again, she is trying to figure out what to say.
“I have had such a wonderful life. What was given to me the last time was all-encompassing of my spirit. I knew when to make hard decisions, there would be some help if needed, I had no outward sense of what was happening other than the decision was made. Always had some kind of thought to come to the forest. Look for the passageway into where something happened, it was never a strong thought. The way of life was what I paid attention to. It has and I assume will be a wonderful experience.”
She felt odd giving words that way. The vision before her was overwhelming, the beauty can not be explained, so calming.
“You did well on your path. There was always help when needed. The feeling inward to come here was going to creep up throughout your life, checking if it were time to follow that thought. Those choices made by you were mostly from your spirit, you made the choice happen. The help, a nudge sort of way, was only given if found to be of importance to how the decision was directed, follow your way of thought. This moment is another step for your path to be as you want but will have many decisions to come, and the direction will be given from those choices made. What you are not aware of, is my touch upon your spirit, those spiritual feelings are real. They exist for you to grow from, learn by, and give outward sometimes as needed. That lesson is given because you are special. A being of wonderful existence to humanity. Everyone you are with comes away from some kind of goodness, a sense of having been with a special person. Why? Because the spiritual aspect of your soul was chosen to be that kind of being. From the beginning of your life, as growing, inward there would be a growth of sorts from a spiritual Higher Power. He was going to be your strength, beliefs, love, everything you have come to be now. Yes, you are going to have more to your destiny, if destiny is the word you understand from better. Much of what you hear now will not be remembered. Your spirit will have all it needs to guide your soul through this life you live, He will be there always. He intends to make you feel confident, strong, yet humanistic loving from your heartfelt ways of thought toward others. Your presence will be needed, and when left, their way of life will change. He chose you because your spirit was so alive with love. That is hard to believe, you are capable of touching other spirits. It is how you were made up, that seed was given something hard to explain in your way of thought, He was the designer. This lesson will keep growing inside of you. The path you want to follow is there and will continue throughout your life with a strong feeling it is the right way to go. Your destiny as you call it is set with helpful ways of thought, they will be there when needed, and He will have His door open always for you.”
She sits and wants to say something, but it seems to be hard to think of words. As if blocked by some kind of force, or a sense of loss to create a word. What an odd thing to happen.
She begins to open her eyes. The wind is here still, slowly it subsides to a breeze. Was she asleep? It is so weird to feel this way. She looks around, the flowers and plants are wonderful, this area has not changed. As if it was supposed to be, she thinks. How long has she been here? Her watch shows only minutes have passed. Her thought is to leave. Not without gazing as much as possible for the intense moments that it brought. The sights, sounds, the flower colors, all come into her spirit for a place to be had at moments of thought. She has a defined mental awareness of what her path needs. With confidence, those defined treks will become a reality. Will, being the operative word of meaning. The movement is slow, she begins her walk out of this place, looking back one more time to take in as much as possible. This place may come again. When she does not know. Leaving the forest was calming, a feeling she hopes to get every time visits for her walks.
She is home, reflecting on the forest’s experience. She knows something was given her, the feelings she can sense inward are stronger. Seems her spirit has become filled with lessons of living life. When and where they come about is not known. All she can wonder is they will be there when needed. Her thoughts tell her the path can be taken as she plans, making the direction with choices that are made with confidence. Where these thoughts come from she will not question. They have a purpose. The journey begins when she goes back out there in life, doing what she does, living as she did, being with people as before, yet all of it will be different. Inside of her mentality was a strength she had not felt before. Dressed, looks around the room, the front door, opening slowly. She moves out into life’s path for the day. The way of her spirit has grown for this moment in time. And so it begins…
The Spirit of One
The presence is not that overwhelming until you feel the power behind the essence of his being, the spirit you cannot see. His features take on a formulation of strength one would tend to stand back and admire, then back away from because of what it tells. The hands are large and show a strong sense but have a sensitive or gentle movement to them. The man sets by himself amongst the people who come to witness a death. They whisper, gawk, then whisper some more as seeing the expressionless face of a warrior, knowing nothing of the spirit inside. He has no fear, speaks with his spirit to the great people that surround his being, all of which have died well before his time. The guides give him comfort telling of the wonderful ways of their world. Showing the will reside with them and help others that need guidance and direction from within their prayers. Gray Eagle is not very old; if years were to be the case of telling age, his would-be thirty. So much of his time was to lead. A leader of people that was slowly becoming extinct, if only could hold on for a while longer, they would be given what had been praying for.
Hands tied, feet tied, he sits waiting for the hangman. His case was quick and without any defense. He killed many men and women, and a few children, the witnesses said. Gray Eagle knew his killing of men was in self-defense, no women were killed and certainly no children. He looks at the people around him and can’t help to wonder why they enjoy killing him so much when death is something sacred and without mockery. Silence begins to fall like a newly washed sheet falling onto a bed. The dirt no longer flows into the air by shuffling feet. The man has come, the hangman for Gray Eagle.
This day comes with glee to many; the people up in the hills feel sorrow. They are going to lose their leader, the father of their tribe. They have no one to be as he, no one to give the true direction of heart for the path to be heard. What will they do? They look at one another in quiet, and ask each other with their lonely eyes, what will they do?
The hangman stands Gray Eagle up placing the loose nap bag over his head. He says a prayer out loud and the people become wide-eyed, he speaks, and they are overcome with joy. His point was not to be startling only to forgive them and ask the Great Spirit for a true resting within his domain, the sacred grounds he kept secret for so many years. The loose was tightened and Gray Eagle gulped for air, trying for his last breath.
A look from the hangman to Gray Eagle’s eyes gave him some discomfort. The hangman always saw fear in a man’s eyes, as he was to pull the staff, yet saw none in these eyes. Something else was there. Some kind of movement that told a story, if seemly was able to watch long enough, an eagle and a mountain, a river flowing with purity, and love. The hangman shook his head and then glared at Gray Eagle with mean and defying eyes. No one would stop his task of killing and not an Indian. A hush fell across the people. They watched intently without any feelings, just stood and watched.
As the hangman gripped the staff that would open the floor from under the Indian, he could sense this was not going to be an easy hanging. The wood could be felt by his palm, it glistened from the many hangings he has done. The wood was made smooth and showed a beautiful texture. He was hanging an important man to the Cherokee tribe, almost a holy man. That brought shivers to his normally hardened spine and pulled the staff. The wooden floor from being opened made a horrendous noise and the rope tightened then loosened. Bouncing up and down coming to rest straight, with nothing at the end, there was no one there. The hangman looked down through the hole in the wooden floor and saw nothing but dirt. People were bent overlooking toward the underneath part of the gallows and saw no one. It was so strange that nobody could panic. Just a whisper or two, some movement of people trying to look closer, all knew this was not right. The hangman had no real emotion. As his eyes became tiny little slits from squinting toward the hole in the wooden floor, his attention was taken to the sky. He felt compelled to look upward and saw an eagle gently flying. The biggest eagle he would ever see. Massive wings and perfect in every way, soaring with ease.
Gray Eagle was feeling the wind caress his feathers, lifting him without any difficulty at all. A beautiful and happy moment soaring with the hands of the Great Spirit to guide him back to his people. He may not be there in flesh but will take them to the sacred land from this means of life. An eagle gave in the stories he had told his children and tribesmen. That was no wise tale, but of the truth, his father and grandfather told him would happen. He was the leader to be given the Great Spirit’s touch and become the special guide his people needed. Nothing mattered now except to go and let the tribe know it is him and will be there for their travels. He looked back to the eyes of the hangman though; nothing more needed to be seen or felt, the hangman knew it was Gray Eagle and the journey had begun.
The Old Woman and the Fairy
As the path begins to wind through the forest, a serene moment seems to appear from nowhere. The movements are slow but methodical, flowers and trees move about from a light wind, and the night begins to approach to say, “I have arrived and all is well”. The surreal of the night is becoming more prominent now and continues throughout the darkened hours. Soon, the sunrise will be the beginning of the daylight hours, giving what is needed for the path to show the winding it takes to the valley below. Moments of surreality are still in the wind and movements of the foilage are waving for their dance.
The path has come to the bottom of the valley, beginning again with some more different winding and curves where the path shows cliffs and dangerous ways. As trekking the path throughout the day it becomes less dangerous and more filled with smooth passages as walking through the valley. There again the serenity is back and stronger, more defined, giving the air a quietness yet still making slow methodical movements of the foliage, and the singing pine trees are making their song heard.
The end of the path is coming soon, ending at an old part of the forest, nearly to the front door of an old cabin. There is rustling inside, someone is doing something. There is calm in the forest. The flowers and such are beginning to stop flowing with the wind, night is approaching again. This time it is coming fast and hours go by which seems minutes have passed. The door opens and a fragile old woman steps out. She begins her walk down the path and makes her way toward the water from the stream. She takes a bucket full and goes back into the cabin. The air is crisp and moving ever so slowly. She opens the door again and stands on the porch looking toward the stream, listening to the forest speak at night. There is so much to say from all that meanders here and there, or the nature sounds heard only at night.
Off in the distance, there is a bright flutter of wings seen and heard, it is quick in movement and stops just a few inches from the old woman. Fluttering in front of her and moving here and there, the fairy doesn’t say anything but knows the old woman has something for her. When went down to the stream she picked some special flowers found only in this forest. As if just for the fairies to feast on. The old woman held out the flower and the fairy immediately settled on it and started to eat little tidbits of the flower. It was fascinating to watch the fairy perched upon the flower and taking such specks of the flower to eat. She has been doing this for many years. And knew when the fairies were close. It was that surreal feeling as passing through the forest, those moments of noises heard at night, ever so lightly, but they are there.
The fairy quickly fluttered itself by the face of the old woman and lightly brushed its wings against the harsh skin of the woman. It was its way of thanking her for the meal. The sun was beginning to come up for another day. The fairy quickly and almost silently whisked its way through the forest, to her special place of hiding and sleeping. The old woman turned and went inside to do the same, sleep. The forest was busy with the sounds of daylight. Nature’s way of saying she was alive and gave the forest whatever it needed throughout the days, with flowers growing, greenery abounding, and life moving on as planned, from day to day.
